The snow today was so relaxing and peaceful. Such a blessing it is; I like white winters. Today I had to go buy some delicate leather cleaner and the only place I knew to get it from was Naturalizer, my old work. I really didn't want to go in there because me and the assistant manager are not on the greatest terms. Anyways, I ended up going in there and saw my manager and we chatted a little. It's hard because I quit that store right when they were sort of short staffed. But, due to camp and the fact that I hated the atmosphere I couldn't stay there. I was nervous about how Jenn, my manager, would act towards me and whether or not she would be bitter. I told her that I was in to buy the leather cleaner and she ended up giving it to me for FREE and offering me a job (I refused in case you are wondering)! I was amazed! I realize that you do get rewarded for good work. I didn't know that she appreciated me that much. I suppose that good things do happen to good people and I hope that in that situation I would do the same thing she did.

I wonder if everyone thinks the way I do, or if I am just a complete oddball. Part of me hopes that I am different but a different,small part also longs to fit in. Maybe everyone is an oddball but then, does that just make us all the same? This is what has been in my head today. I used to want to conform to the ways of my friends and now I know that if I am just myself I will have better friends. I think I have found my ulitmate best friend, someone who knows all of me- past, present, and, I suppose, future. It's hard for me to share all of my life with people because my past is not all pink and perfect as I wish it would be. Parts are rather dark and ugly and I am afriad to share them with just everyone. Today, while walking aimlessly around a mall I learned that there is someone out there for everyone. Whether that someone is a best friend, a lover, a family member, even a pet- it does not matter. There is someone in this world who loves you no matter what and understands you. Unfortunately I also realized that we, as humanity, don't always let those people in to our lives fully. We don't even take the leap of faith to give those special the oppertunity to completely understand and love us. I will have to take that leap.

I'm starting fresh and abandoning what was mine long ago (an old blog). I suppose that as I grow in age I also grow in wisdom, but, if this is so- why is everything still so crazy? I've been learning so much about myself lately and sometimes it scares me. I wonder why it's hard for me to let go and trust people; then again I don't really wonder because I know the answer. This will be a learning blog. Each day I learn something new about me and the people I love and I want to record those revelations. Today I learned that even though I say I'm fine and that I'm not hurting, it really does take time to mend a broken heart. I'm so lucky that I have someone who will put up with me during that time.