I have been given a wonderful gift. Thank you- you know who you are and how special you are to me. I love you.

Camp will always be hard no matter how good it is. It will always be tainted with my longing to be at home. Even thought it is so important to me it hurts. I know that everything will be okay and that it's no even 2 full months but still. Oh well....I'll come back in shape and tanned. I'll be missing my sweetie but I'll make it up to him. ;)

Sometimes I wonder how people can make the choices they do. How can you choose to do something that hurts you so much? I almost made one of those choices, what was I thinking?! Danielle you are wonderful and I know things will work themselves out one way or another.

Today I can actually be lazy.. No appointments, no first aid class, no school meetings- just good times with friends and family. It's positively great! I'm come to a big conclusion in my life that has lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders. I realize that I can't blame myself for someone else's pain and anger if I did nothing wrong. I can't try to make someone else happy and sacrifice my own life and happiness - especially when I know the person wouldn't be happy anyways. I must stand up for myself.

Stop and remember the simple times of childhood. Take a moment to reflect on happy times and relaxing moments. We get so caught up in busy schedules and timelines that it's hard to get away from that stress. To take a moment to sit and think. I mean heaven forbid we just put our cell phone in our bag and forget about!!?! Didn't you know that your gonna be late for that appointment if I can't get a hold of you!?? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be bored and I mean really bored. No one to call, to see, to talk to, no appointment to be late for, no meeting to dread, no work, no fun, no extra class, no homework, no music, no pets to walk or play with, no parents to give you chores to do. What would it be like to be bored? Something I long for is silence. I wonder what true silence would be like.

"See the bra underneath my shirt/ what the wind underneath my skirt/ it's only a picture/ it's just a part/ everybody's got a story that will break your heart" -Amanda Marshall.

Even though I am reminded that people suffer I am also reminded of all the good things. Yes everyone has a story that will break your heart but also everyone has a story that will fill your heart with gladness.

*CHERISH LIFE* Forget who owes you money. Write a thank you note. Give a smile. Bear Hug. Shed more than one tear. Break up a fight (physical or otherwise). Treat a friend. Help an enemy. Don't pick sides. Love and loose- it happens. Take a leap. Wish upon a falling star. Give the jacket off your back to someone who really needs it. Share your lunch. Smile. Be a goof. Take a long lunch. Miss class to help a friend. Miss class to help yourself. Sing at the top of your lungs. Take your time. Breathe. Eat ice cream for breakfast. Sleep in. Watch the sunrise. Just........*CHERISH LIFE*

Oh my. James you are wonderful because you say it exactly how it is and I need a good reality check now and then (maybe more); everyone does. Who ever is reading this at this moment go to his blog (James' Mind) and read the April 13th blog post.

It's true. It's hard to love the world when I love the new hair clips I bought today. Every day I am reminded of my imperfections. I do long to be humble and loving and worthy of all that I have. Sometimes I wish I suffered more in my life so that I would understand but I also know that everyone suffers but just in a different way.

Sometimes it makes me want to puke: So many people right now are worrying about where there are going to sleep tonight and I am worrying about whether or not I'll be able to run tomorrow and take my dog for a walk and do my homework without making my neck worse. Sometime I make myself sick because I am reminded of all I have and all that others don't.

How can I make a difference, a real difference. You tell me.

I sit here looking out the window at a sky that it filled with endless possibilities. So many unanswered questions fight for dominance in my brain. Will it be sunny all weekend? How will I do at my first aid course? When will the lady from UCFV e-mail me back? When will I get my test results and will I be okay? What will happen if I'm not? Will this summer be hard? Will I actually save as much as I want to?

So many more, too much to even make the effort to write. I don't know why I worry about things as much as do. I guess everyone has something that makes them worry. Oh Lord give me peace.

I am forever reminded of a quote that is painted on one of the walls in my school:

"I COMPLAINED BECAUSE I HAD NO SHOES UNTIL I MET A MAN WITH NO FEET"

Right now is hard time in my life but I know that whatever happens I will be okay. I also know that even though I am struggling there is someone out there worse off than me and I should be thankful for everything I have. Sometimes I wish that life weren't so hard and that I my past wouldn't be as tainted, but then I remember that my past makes me who I am. Without those things I wouldn't be the same person I am today.

Today was a long long day. I am tired (which seems to be the norm). I can't wait for this 4 day weekend!