I must retract an earlier statement. I am strong enough! Sometimes I feel as though I miss the past. It's hard. It's also hard to realize what I miss about it - whether it was the good times, the growth, the companionship, the feeling of being loved, or... the person. Probably all of that to some degree. However, recently though I feel like I miss it I am also glad that it is not a part of my life anymore. I realize - through how we both have changed since then- that we were not meant to be. I have moved on but it's hard when you feel lonely.

Oh well- *cute boy alert- I will be checking ya out* (I'm such a dork, I love it). Here's to another few days sparkled with hanging out with my pals.

These past days have been interesting. Yesterday I was woken up with the worst wake up ever and then last night I had to make the most awkward call that I think I ever have had to do. It was ironic because yesterday could have been an amazingly happy day but yet I had to deal with something that I know was hard for him to talk about. I am not bitter though and it's not hard for me, I just need to keep moving on. Oh humbug- life is too complicated for me right now. I wish that things would be easy and that people would just say what they wanted instead of playing games. Please, if you have something to tell me just say it instead of making me wonder.

This was a good weekend- I spent a lot of time catching up with friends. This week will be a hectic one. Some things I am looking forward to- spending time with friends, 729, tutoring, starting fundraising, my parents going away this weekend, finding out exactly what happened at the hospital. Things I'm not- catching up on homework + more homework, sleepless nights that will follow me remembering things about my burn.

I AM FREE! My ex boyfriend is seeing/ interested in someone else. I am so happy it's crazy! Now, whenever he tries to talk about us getting back together I can just remind him of 'Rachel'! This is a good day!

I am not strong enough.

Time to procrastinate some more on my history homework. Right now I am living in a state of irony. Just when things seem to be settling in place about next semester it also feels up in the air because there are so many little details to think about. Even though I feel I am losing a close guy friend (even though I know I'm actually not, it's just an odd relationship) I realize that I have gained a few. I'm proud of myself for graduating early- something I've wanted to do since I was younger for no apparent reason- but I'm also feeling like a slacker and I can't seem to get my but in gear. Also I'm feeling very disconnected from a special little girl in my life but I can't seem to get myself to make the effort. These are all things I must evaluate and fix where applicable.

As a side note: Anyone who reads this and has regular contact with me- remind me to be strong (I'll know what it means).

I've decided I don't really like being sick. Actually I hate it. Today I had an interesting chat with one of my favourite role models. She told me I should write a book about all the experiences in my life. I agree but I don't know what I would call it or how I would make sense of the circus I laughingly call my life. I also think I should give it until I'm least 20. I mean so far in my life I've loved, lost, had fire explode on me, been stalked, had bad and good boy experiences, volunteered a lot of hours, had crazy good and bad luck, worked in a few different jobs, done well at school, hitch hiked, learned to love and respect myself, gone after what I've wanted, faced lots of my fears, made millions of friends, and had so many adventures I can't recall them all at this point- just think what could happen between now and when I'm 20. When I write my memoir you'll be the first to know.

An e-mail survey I recently filled out and sent:

1. First Name: Laura
2. Were you named after anyone? Yes, my great-grandma.
3. When did you last cry? When I sent an e-card the other day to someone I love so much.
4. Do you like your handwriting? It's okay, I'm perfecting it.
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Sundried tomato and basil chicken breast.
6. Any bad habits? I bite my nails.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? 50's teen love songs. (No I'm not ashamed of footloose)
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends w/you? Yes sir!
9. Are you a daredevil? To some degree
10. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Unfortunately yes.
11. Do looks matter? To some degree. I love the what's inside a person more than what's on the outside.
12. How do you release anger? I sleep or am very blunt and have to apologize later.
13. Where is your second home? Elissa's house.
14. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Physics- it's all greek to me!
15. Do you have a journal? Yes but I am bad at keeping it up to date.
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh yes!
17. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Yepperz- crowd surfed a little too.
18. What do you look for in a guy/girl? A guy who is sweet, makes me laugh, and is man enough to realize that I'm not always a girly girl who need a big man to save her.
19. What are your nickname(s)? Diesel, L , Laurinksa, Stinky.
20. Would you bungee jump? Yes if I had the money and opportunity to do so. I would love to!
21. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Most of my shoes don't have laces....but no not usually if they do.
22. Do you think that you are strong? Yes- mentally and physically.
23. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla (no chocolate for me).
24. Shoe Size? 7.5-8.5
25. What are your favorite colors? HOT PINK!
26. What is your least favorite thing? Being sick.
27. How many wisdom teeth do you have? I don't think I have any.
28. How many people have a crush on you right now? I'm not telling.
29. Who do you miss most right now? My Nana.
30. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? Yes I do please! (Except Joey cause he sent this to me and I already read his info).
31. What color pants are you wearing? Blue sleeping bottoms.
32. What are you listening to right now? Long December
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? PINK of course
34. What is the weather like right now? Sunny!
35. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? A tele-marketer.
36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The way the interact with others.
37. Do you like the person who sent you this? Yes, they are a great friend.
38. How are you today? Good. Not as sick as last night.
39. Favorite Drink? Besides H2O, I love sparkling lemonade.
40. Favorite Sport? Football baby!
41. Hair Color? Dark Brown.
42. Wear contacts? Nope.
43. Siblings? 2 older step brothers.
44. Favorite Month? June
45. Favorite Food? Pizza
46. Last movie you saw? Ed TV
47. Favorite Day of the Year? June 17th
48. Are you too shy to ask someone out? No but I've never really been in a situation where I have asked someone out.
49. Summer or Winter? Spring.
50. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs
51. Relationships or one night stands? Neither at the moment.
52. Do you want your friends to write back? Yes, if they want to.
53. Who is most likely to respond? Um... James because he wants to make me feel better when I am sick (oooh I love the guilt).
54. Who is least likely to respond? Colin
55. Living arrangements? I live with my parents.
56. What books are you reading? The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf.
57. Your mouse pad? It matches my computer.
58. Favorite Board game? Twister!
59. What did you watch on TV last night? Sex and the City
60. Favorite smell? Cotton Candy
61. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? Whether I should go for a run or go back to sleep.
62. What makes you smile? My puppy and spending time with loved ones.
63. Favorite scene in a movie? When the Rose (in Titanic) says that she'll never let Jack go and then she lets go of him and he drifts to the bottom the the ocean- so ironic and funny.
64. When is your birthday? See above- my favourite day.
65. What do you want to tell everyone you sent this to? Smile- it takes less muscles than a frown!

Today was an interesting day. It had fun times- going downtown with the american boys (and eating at hooters for my second time in the past few months- I really don't want it to become the norm!); some bad times- hydroplaining; and un expected times- getting a great e-mail offering me an interview for an internship during my semester off. I'm bursting with joy.

To my anon. commenter: Being rude in your comments will make me not want to post at all. If you seek more personal info about me just contact me personally.

I don't know who is posting anonymously but I don't like to share everything on here. It's hard to say whether this friend is lost or not. We have a lot in common but it seems like the bond we share is weakening. I suppose that friendship runs in cycles...sometimes you are so close and other times things just come up and your lives to just fit together... the close times will come back. Also I never specified which gender I was relating to. If you need to talk to me send me an e-mail or leave your name so I can contact you.

Today I went to the burn clinic- my last visit. They say I am healing remarkably and will have no scars. I just have to be careful of the sun for about 2 years and be careful of harsh cold winds as my skin is new. Also I might have a problem regulating my heat in both hot and cold climates. Oh well. I'm alive and will be fine. This makes me so happy.

I thought that I was truly over a part of my life. However, after sending an e-card today with a personal note enclosed I realize that I have hidden certain things instead of dealing with them. This sucks.

With a week of school behind me I am finally getting into the routine. Yesterday I was able to take the road less traveled. It was refreshing. I told someone that I didn't hate them and that I was completely over with what happened and that part of my life. Now both parties know how I feel- something I needed. Being mad or hating people isn't me. Sometimes I get angry and ugliness shows in my life but that really isn't me. I love everyone and even though I get annoyed and mad at people I still love them.

Lately my life is becoming more complicated than I would like. I think that I am losing a friend and that friendship is more important to me than what we have become. Hopefully there is still time to remedy this. Oh well- life goes on.

This was a good weekend. I was able to spend it with a bunch of friends that I don't get to see often. It was good to connect with each of them and catch up on old times. It was also good to see how much we have grown together and apart. This weekend really made me think about what I want right now and in the future. I realize that I have to clear things up with people and that certain friends are so important to me and I don't want anything to jeopardize that.

A have a few phone calls to make...

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had gotten more burned. Or worse. I don't know why I wonder about this but I have lately. It's probably all the forms, doctors appointments and letters from WCB that I've had to deal with that's making me think so much about that. Lately I feel like people are blaming me for this happening like I should have known that I was going to be burned or something. Maybe I should have...

One more day..

Tomorrow school starts up again. I'm actually looking forward to it. It will be a nice change of pace and a time when for me to finish one chapter of my life. When I reflect on my years as a highschool student I realize that I have learned so much. I have learned a lot in the classroom but so much more out of it. I have learned how to be a good friend, daughter, girlfriend, soon-to-be-woman, role model, coach, mentor, mentee, tutor, student, employee and person. I've learned how to interact with others and I have really started to discover who I am. I look forward to hitting the books once again and learning more intellectually. But, most of all I look forward to the personal growth that is still yet to come.

"..... i am still learning" -Michelangelo

So much has happened in the past few days and so much is yet to happen as school starts up again. Lately I am feeling very liberated. Sorry I haven't written much but I alwasy feel like there is too much to write and I can't organize my thoughts.

Burn Update: I am doing very very well and should look normal in a week or so. Maybe less. Don't worry I'm okay!

I look so much better today. It's good. I can't wait to heal and be able to do everything on my own again. I don't like relying on people. School starts soon........I can't wait to start and then be done.