The future is always complicated. Where will I go to school? What will I do? When will highschool be over? When will I move out? When will I get married? Will I be successful? Will I have the same friends? Will there be tragedy? Bliss? So many thoughts ravish my brain. I think I want to be an addictions counsellor. My mom doesn't think so. I don't know how to tell her about my past. I guess God will provide a time for me to do that if working with addicts is my future.

Oh crud, so much to do so little time (and it's being wasted sitting right here)

"Oh give me the beat boys and free my soul/ I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away" .

This week I have been consumed by oldies. I love them. Oh and lets not forget soundtracks. It's funny how music can change the way you feel. When I listen to old rock I feel energized and pumped but when I listen to the Walk to Remember CD (yes I know I'm a nerd you don't need to comment) I feel so calm and relaxed. I realize that there are people in my life who do the same thing. Around some I can be totally crazy but other make me feel more relaxed and mellow.

Today was a crazy day. School is too much for me. It makes me tired. Maybe I'll quit..........but then again I most likely won't.

I forgot to say this earlier: HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!

After reading Taryn's (She Dances For Him) blog today I was forced to think.

"so i ask what would come of this world if men didn't exist?

i will tell you what...........there would be a lot of fat, happy women dancing around
bra-less :)

think about it "

My first reaction to this is that without men there wouldn't be women and vice versa. Now that I think I about it I wonder about what it would be like if men weren't around. Day after day I see women making choices- dieting, revealing clothing, push up bras, botox (sp?), etc- to attract men. I've seen many girls cry about not having a man in their lives and I've seen them worry about whether or not there is something wrong with them. It's true that most women do feel pressure when guys are entered into the equation. I had to laugh- bras are uncomfortable. Remember- can't live with them but can't live without them (literally).

My relaxing vacation is about to come to an end. It was good and though I'm not looking forward to returning to the daily grind at home, I am glad to be going back. Over the past few weeks I have been able to do some real thinking. I realized that I am ready for something that I didn't know if I would ever be ready for. The near future is still uncertain- am I going to camp or not? I suppose I will just have to wait and pray about that one.

I'm away visiting family for a week and a bit. Something I've been looking forward to for a long time. It's so great to see my little cousins growing up and to build a bond with them. Being here makes me think more about my future....as does everything. I wonder if the maternal side of me is really beginning to develop. I've always liked kids but I always felt that I wanted to skip the baby stage and just have teens. Now I have mixed feelings. I feel like the hardest thing right now is the fact that I have so many years to think. I don't want to keep contemplating and waiting. I want things now. I want my future now. I wish that school stuff was already done for him and I and that we wouldn't worry that our paths might make this relationship a long distance one. Oh Lord, give me peace and make me humble to you. I suppose that Regina might have to be something I cope and deal with and get through. If it is I will be happy because he will be happy......plus I know I can rely on my girl friends.