What if you woke up one day and the world was different. What if one day you woke up and had a different perspective on life.

I realize that everything isn't as it seems. I've decided not to care about pleasing people- even my parents. I just have to survive living with them for a little longer and then I am free. I want to live life for me and not compromise it to fit what others want for my life.

Now I just have to figure out exactly what I want.

Another weekend is upon us....YAY! Only 7 more days until I go to Alberta. I can't wait until I can see my family!

Have a little faith in me...

Tonight I watched the eclipse. It was beautiful. I was running with my dog- I really pushed myself tonight- and then I looked up to something beautiful. It puts things into perspective.


Reminder to self, just breathe...

I think I'm a snob....

I don't know what it is but lately I feel like everyone... well some... percieve me to be a snob or a stuck up person. If you feel that I have been rude to you please make me aware of it because most likely I haven't realized that I have done it or it's entirely not what I meant. Sorry, I truly am.

Currently Playing: World on Fire- Sarah McLachlan

On playlist still to come:

• Yesterday's Feelings - The Used
• Have a Little Faith In Me- Mandy Moore
• Good Little Girls- Blue Country
• Fighter- Christina
• Crazy in Love- Beyonce
• Another Lonely Day- Ben Harper
• Long December- Counting Crows
• Where is the Love?- Black Eyed Peas
• Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me?- Kieth Urban
  

I AM SO CUTE! My hair was cut using a razor yesterday and since I was hair modeling I didn't really get to choose what was done to it- IT'S PROBABLY THE BEST CUT OF MY LIFE. I have the cutest bangs and the style totally suits my personality.

Anyways, in response to my latest submission- life has become less complicated and easier. It is no longer a complete mess. Thing with my ex are finally all wrapped up and we know where we both stand. I've wrapped things up with another person and it was such a stress reliever.
My mom and I aren't fighting as much and she realizes that sometimes she makes me go crazy. All is well.

MY LIFE IS SO F***ED UP!

I am sick and I do not like this. Someone fix it...

In the secrect, In the quiet place...

I need a secrect and quite place where I can be alone. I don't have one anymore.

Last night I was feeling crappy and like I had made a wrong decision (even though I knew I hadn't). I realize that I am not ready for a relationship. In my last one so many of my friendships with guys were severed and I need to work on rebuilding them and having awesome guy friends and not worry about anything more.

i have the craziest life.... i'm going to write a book someday i think

Last night I went to Vancouver to have coffee with a friend. We're sitting outside Bean Around The World and it's about 7 pm. We're talking and I see a lady and her dog (i'm not really paying attention to her of course because I'm engrossed in conversation) and then all of a sudden I just see the dog. I think that's weird, the woman must have went inside and left the dog out. Then I look again more closesly- I see feet as if someone is laying down (there is a small bush between us and her and it perfectly blocked her body from my view). We jump up and go to her- I check her vital signs (first time my first aid course has been of any use to me) and she is breathing. We get the ambulance called. Meanwhile this random guy comes up and starts questioning me very harsly about my level of training and what I was doing. He says he has his level three and that we should put her on her back. Unwilling to do this I say I'm certified and that she is breathing and I don't feel comfortable moving her until directed by a professional. We find her medical alert bracelet and talk to the 911 operator who asks us to put her on her side. After the guy helps me he leaves as randomly as he came. A firetruck and ambulance show up and we talk to the parametics about what happened. A firefighter asks me to take the dog but the leash is under her so I have to grab it by the collar. The dog freaks out, bites me and runs inside the cafe. I chase it into their store room and then finally we were able to put it in the bathroom with an out of order sign on it. The woman is put in the abulance and we begin talking with a firefighter (cute) and makes it sound like it was a medical emergency while he small talks about how we did a good job and what type of drink I had and whether or not it was good. They leave and then a police wagon shows up. Confused we ask the cop (also cute) why and he says that she's really drunk and that it has happened 3 times before this month. After she is in the wagon and both it and the abulance is gone another wagon pulls up to the scene. The officer gets out and is looking around perplexed. We tell him that if he is looking for the woman that she's already been taken away about 10 minutes prior. He says "Good thing you ladies are two steps ahead of my dispatch" (this is what taxpayers are paying for).

After all the the craziest settles and we are ready to finish our evening in mundane style, we notice the on the otherside of the cafe window where we were sitting (us outside) there are these two 35 yearold men (approximate age) that are looking at us. Oh well we ignore them. One ends up coming out and striking up a conversation. We tried to seem as uninterested as humanly possible, I'm laughing and kinda being rude and Zahrah is just being very short with him. He is not getting the point. Finally in efforts to get him inside, I look straight at him and say "I'm really not interested in guys." He seems to get the point but still tries to keep talking, finally he goes inside and then Zar and I burst out laughing and decide to walk back to her house.

Oh my........and that was just the tip of the iceberg on my crazy weekend. Friday night I also turned into a busloop downtown (on the way to dinner) and while trying to do a u-turn to get out was honked at by a cab so then i had to turn back the way I came in (with a bus heading right for me honking) and then manouver my way through the bus loop. Then the resturant where we were going wasn't open yet and Elissa had to use the bathroom so we walked all over Grandville and Davie trying to find a place that would let us use the washroom or that had a washroom for that matter. Finially we get to the Travelodge- most discusting place ever and by that time I had to use the washroom too. It was gross. Well I can't write anymore right now, I guess you'll have to read my book when it comes out about the crazy facts that are my life.

Have a great day!

DO YOU THINK I'M A FEMINIST?

I've decided that my life is a complete joke! I haven't decided whether or not this bothers me though. It's just that I'm so busy and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Friendships and relationships are becoming so complicated that I just want to turn off my phone and never answer it again. My household is filling rapidly. Deadlines are coming up. Projects are due. Tests are missed. Money is short but not really which weighs on my conscious.

Worst of all I know that this is nothing. These aren't real problems or crisis. Real problems are the War on Iraq, the girl who is unable to bring lunch to school, the family that is about to lose their house, the country that is run by drug-lords, the guy who drove drunk and killed someone, the woman who overdosed this morning and left behind a two year old, the pregnant woman who is addicted to crack, the orphan, the victims of terrorism, the uncle who rapes his niece, the child who has been burned, the girl who suffers from bulimia, the child who is slowly dieing from starvation. This is what I must realize in my life. Me and you are well off.

I have experienced a lot of un-pretty and horribly ugly things in my life but I have gotten through them. I've decided that I want to help those who haven't or can't.

What a crazy long weekend this has been: 2 sleepovers (oh yes I am a 5 year old girl), staying up late, spending time with friends, seeing family, turkey, interesting news, deciding what I want, seeing someone I didn't want to see, sleeping, avoiding homework at all costs. Yes, this is fun.

Tomorrow I will do homework and force myself to be responsible. Oh what a joy.

Remember that the 11 most important and meaningful words you can say to someone are: I am proud of you, believe in you, and love you.

Today I am really tired. Yesterday I was really tired too. I'm seeing a trend here. Interesting.

I think I might start working- hopefully I can at just one shift a week. For the past month I've been trying to volunteer with the burn fund but it's not really working; I keep playing telephone tag with a fireman. Oh well, If I want it bad enough I will keep at it.

Updates in my life:

• My step-dad's dad is in the hospital
• Hopefully starting a 12 week fire fighting course soon
• Joining a running club
• Applying for scholarships
• writing an essay about encouraging women
• Making 'Girl' Assembly happen
• Doing Portfolio
• Making new friends
• Facing fears

I really don't know how I am so busy (yes Danielle I know- I don't work ;) ). But I am . My schedule for today: 8:30am- 2:50pm School (meeting at lunch). 3:00pm -3:30pm Dropping off prize letters at the mall and finding out about the running club. 4:00pm-5:00pm or so Tutoring. 6:00pm-8:00pm Grad stuff @ School. 8:00pm onward- HOMEWORK. Hopefully I will have time in there to walk my dog and eat dinner.

What is your favourite quote/ motto?

I don't really have much to write. I think I am fed up with boys to some extent. Lol. It's so funny since at least half if not more of my friends are guys (I don't mean you- I love you all). It's just that I don't know actually. I just feel fed up sometimes. But then again, I'm feel fed up with girls too.

Cheerio!

My brush with reality today... Today I went to the bank for my mom to take money out of the interac machine and there was a guy sitting inside the little room. He was 20 or so years old. Maybe 25. He just watched me and tried to make conversation. I stood in the way of his view to the machine just in case he was watching what I was doing. I didn't feel threatened by his presence until about halfway through my debit interaction. For a second I thought I might have to defend myself and I didn't have my trusty purse (to hit him with). ;) Oh well. I called the non-emergency # for the police and they said they would send someone right away. Hopefully no little old ladies went in there before the police could get him to leave or deal with it.

Today I RAN FOR THE CURE! I helped to fight breast cancer (Thank you to those who supported me via encouragement, prayer, love and donations). I RAN FOR SHIRLEY, A SURVIVOR.

To think, I could have been running for me. I had a scare with breast cancer earlier this year. It takes so many lives of women and men. I encourage everyone to find a cause, to get involved, to care about something. You can make a difference, you can bring hope to others, you can change the world. Every small step counts. Every ripple of hope brings forth a wave. Make the world into what you want it to be. You have the power!

I want a school where girls dress for themselves, not for boys. Where girls respect themselves and one another. Where people aren't bullied or put down. Where no one walks alone. Where people smile because they are happy and because they know others care about them. I want a community that helps those in need. That allows people to get involved without discimination. Where people love instead of hate. Where I can walk down the streets and not doubt my safety. I want a Canada that people feel proud of. Where racism and sexism does not exist. Where people can truly be themselves. Where rape, murder, and other crimes are truly dealt with justly- I don't want there to be loop-holes in the system that allows child molesters to walk the streets. I want a world where peace prevails. Where no one listens to idiots like G. W. Bush. Where wars are not fought with guns but with words. Where terroism is a thing of the past not the present. Where all the countries can work together to fight poverty. Where everyone is equal under the sun.

I plan to work towards this!